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" ROHANNNN!!! utha kyu nhi abhi takkk, yr late kra hai khud toh uth nhi rha mai bhi late ho jaugi." Aziza said in a hurried tone

"Mai nhi Jara hu yr mujhe soone de..." Rohan murmered in his sleep

"Pagal h kya aaj tera moot court competition hai na?"

"Nai mera kal h, aaj nhi h usse yaad aya mujhe research bhi krni h tu ja mai nhi jaara aaj."

"Hat yar aalsi"

***
Ayaan's heart was racing, sweat trickling down his face as he paced back and forth. For him academics are always perfect but the speaking activities always made him anxious. It was his first moot activity, he did all the research but speaking it out loud scared him.

"Rohan nhi aya" Ayaan muttered with a sad pout as he saw Aziza entering the collage alone

It felt like his only hope to be calm had disappeared and before he knew it, it was time to present.

Ayaan:

"Mr Malhotra, please present your case" the judge said.

The words crossed my ears but not my mind, it felt like I went blank...the room seemed to close around me and I could feel a million eye staring at me. My heart was pounding in my chest, a rapid, heavy rhythm that felt like it's going to break through my ribs. My hands were shaking, palms slick with sweat. I swallowed, but my throat felt dry, like there's no moisture left. I can feel all eyes on me, waiting. The room is silent, too silent. My mind goes blank, like I've forgotten how to form words. The pressure builds, and my breath starts to shallow.  "My lord...I".

Blank.

 I try again, but it's like my voice has disappeared entirely. There's a knot in my stomach now, twisting tighter with every passing second. I want to disappear, to shrink away from the attention, but I'm stuck, rooted in place, unable to speak., my mind was filled with knowledge but no words seemed to spill out of my mouth. 

"Mr Malhotra if u want to be a lawyer to have to SPEAK. Please keep your nervousness outside of this room. Compose yourself and come tomorrow. This Won't be accepted." The judge said, disappointment evident in voice laced with a harsh tone.

"S..sorry..sorry my..my lord"

"It's okay Ayaan, you can try again tomorrow" another judge said sensing my tensed demeanour.

Leaving the room felt like a defeat, like my world went crashing down. I had been practicing this for weeks. How? How could this happen? Hearing the judges words I remembered what my father said...

FLASHBACK

It was Ayaan's first year of college. His results were good but not what his father expected. Ayaan had always been sensitive, he could handle anything... pain, injuries but harsh tones broke him.

"THIS? this is the result u give me? Esse lawyer banoge tum? Mai paise waste kr rha hu tumpe! His father shouted.

His eyes filled with tears, he look up with glassy eyes only to be met with a furious gaze of his father.

"ye koi roone ki baat nhi h Ayaan! ladke esse choti choti baaton pr roya nhi krte. Tumhe pehle mehnat krni chhiye thi. Agar try kra hota toh ita bekar result nhi dete tum mujhe! ab jao yaha se mere saamne roone mat lag jao."

He went away, and stayed in his room all day staring at the 80% he got. He had prepared very hard for the exam, sleepless nights, sometimes even forgetting to eat. But, the results weren't what he hoped. His mom and sister thought the results were amazing but their appreciation could not remove the traces of his father's words. 

These conversations always happened between him and his father, neither his sister nor his mom knew about the pressure he felt. As he never got the reassurance he needed, he swore not to cry again, thinking of it as a sign of weakness but today tears filled the corner of his eyes threatening to spill any moment. He went to the college garden, trying to get himself together

***

"Kya yar aaj Naina bhi nhi ayi! mai kya kru ab es 1 ghante ki break me? I hate this, ummmm garden chali jati hu, apni book padh lungi. yaha es shurti ke natak dekhne se toh better h." Aziza whispered to herself.

She sat in the garden, opening her book when she noticed ,Ayaan, sitting in a distant corner, his body slightly trembling. Tough, hesitant at first she decided to approach him.

"umm Ayaan? are you okay?" she asked softly

Ayaan, who had been on the verge of crying quickly become attentive, trying to mask his inner turmoil. 

"kuch nhi." 

"Ayaan, hum iti baat toh nhi krte h but I know something is wrong. It makes sense ki tum mujhe nhi batna cahhte ho but please, jo bhi h its gonna be alright. And u can share with me, dukh baatne se kam ho jata h. "

In response Ayaan only looked away trying not to cry. But Aziza was not the one to give up, tough she hated physical touches and hugs, she opened her arms wide for him to find comfort. But, Ayaan did not seem to answer. 

"can I?" she asked. And he looked up with teary eyes

she pulled him in her warm embrace, gently caressing his hair urging him to relax. meanwhile Ayaan's body was tense, he knew if he relaxed he would cry and crying is a weakness, that is well, atleast what his father made him believe.

she pulled away, cupping his cheeks, "its okay to cry Ayaan, tumhe nhi batna mat batao but atleast let it all out. I dont know ki tum ladko ko duniya kya kya bolti h about how men don't cry but humans do cry and if u feel like, tum roo sakte ho, you will still be the strongest guy I know." she said looking straight into his eyes before pulling him in her embrace again.

It was the last straw for him before he started crying so hard, he could not breathe, he was not only crying for what happened today, but for all the days that he has bottled up his feelings assuming that crying will make him weak. While Aziza softly caressed his back. they sat there like this for good 10 minutes, before Aziza dragged Ayaan to get some ice cream.

They munched on ice cream, walking through the garden.

"chalo, ab batao kya hua tha?"

he looked away, but then said " tumne kha nhi nhi btaana toh mat batao"

"haan toh voh toh trick thi, tumhe sach me laga mai tumhe ese hi jane dungi? ab jab tak bata nhi dete, tum khi nhi jare" 

"aise kaise nhi jaara! bye bye" he said almost running away before she caught him. she slowly took the end of her dupatta and tied the around his wrist

"ab  kaise jaoge?"  she said playfully

she held his bands, squeezing them slightly. "Bolo, kya hua tha?"

"woh...vohh" 

"kuch personal hai toh it's fine, just know that jo bhi hai it'll get better" she said assuringly sensing his hesitant behavior. 

"nhi..nhi..um esa nhi hai, voh aaj mera moot court tha and..."

"hmm?"

"and no matter mai academics me kita acha krlu, speaking out loud scares me. I know this is so stupid, mai ek lawyer banne wala hu and i get so nervous ki mai bol bhi nhi pata."

"Ayaan... esa nhi hai, kya lawyers ko nervous hone ka hakk nhi? haan, they need to be strong and face it cause jo bhi unka client hai voh unpe apna pura trust laga dete h. And esa nhi h tumhe bolna nhi aata, tumhe bas apne liye bolna seekha. Maine dekha h, how u stand up for anyone who's being bullied or for the ones in need. your mind never stops you from helping others. Bas essi tarah also don't stop yourself jab tum khudke liye kuch kre ho. Ye tum apne liye kre ho, for your grades and nervous hone ki zarurat nhi hai you will do great!" 

"hmm...hmmm"

"hmm nhi haan ya YES MAAM! bolo tumhe pta hai mujhe bhi bohot log bolte h. ki bolti toh hai nhi essse lawyer banne ka idea kisne diya, bichara eska future client. pehle mujhe bohot dukh hota tha but i learnt it the hard way and realized ki life mein tumhe khudke liye hi stand lena padega, koi aur nhi ayega tumhe support krne. Esliye, agar ab koi esse bolta hai toh mai unhe dikha deti hu why can become a real lawyer and that u better than them."

"kaise?"

"apni bak bak krke, phir voh sochte h ki esse better toh ye chup hi thi!"

"ab bolo, do u understand?"

"hmmm..ye-..yes"

"ita weak yes aur ye kya hmm, konse janwar ho yar!"

"I mean YES MAM"

"better..." she said narrowing her eyes.

"chalo ab meri class hai baad me milte hai, apna khyal rakhna"

"tum rakhne ke liye ho na" he thought but said "okayy"

"acha sunoo.."

"haan"

"ab hum dost hai so, should be exchange numbers?"

"nhi mujhe mera number hi pasand hai"

"khikhikhi, mazak kri hu shakal toh dekho apni... ye lo mera number"

01125532553 

Ayaan

As I watched her leave, my heart filled with a warmth I had  never experienced before, there was something about her selfless nature and her will to help others that pulled me towards her. Her eyes... the ones that can read anyone so easily and cure their problems, still seem to carry endless oceans of pain. Rohan had shared about how his sister was sad, and fighting her inner battles, yet she masks it so perfectly. "I want to know more about her..."

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